worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
