The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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