so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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