i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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