i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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