My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You ruined the universe
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
