We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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