dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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