i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
porn star boner night. come get it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
