Ketchup is God's man juice
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
