I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
