having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
