Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
