mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize