im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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