Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
