I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
