I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
