I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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