I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
