This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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