I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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