He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize