its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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