So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
