I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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