So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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