Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
