Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
