i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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