Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
