I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
