So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
