Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he fucked my hip out of place.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
