I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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