He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
