Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
