Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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