what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
