just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
