not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize