I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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