I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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