I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
