He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
