can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
