you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
