They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
