Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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