i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
