I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
