I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
