If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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