I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
