Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
