you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
