Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
