I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i have herpe
just one?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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