I've blown a few things in my day
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
