I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
