Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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