Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
