Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
