yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
