the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize