the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
