i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
